i think

I think that good and bad is always a decision away. The momentum of our integrity or the demise of our character is something close to a slow burn. It either ebbs away or builds bit by bit. When we say that a person is a good person, are we making an absolute statement, that this is the end result/analysis of what we have come about regarding this person? Or are we simply stating the accumulation of good deeds, experiences, and acts that we have either witnessed or heard this person accomplish and do? I have seen heroes of our time praised for their heroism, through much trial, tribulation, perseverance and alas victory....and in an instant lose all of that in one moment. Strange, it seems. Then again I recall the story of Jesus when He rode into Bethlehem being praised and adored, five days later those very people that laid palm branches before the Saviour, held their fists in contempt screaming "crucify him!" (we sure have a habit of changing our minds fast). It seems that our experiences are what we use to define the people we know. It also seems that no matter how many good experiences we may have, it only takes one bad experience to change our minds and our hearts.
I think we have a problem with being alone. I think that is what keeps us awake at night; whether we are single and in a studio apartment in a twin size bed that is too small for us, tossing in our thin covered sheets that barely keep us warm, or married and looking at our lover who lays right next to us, the one that we feel so distant from, so alienated, confused by the way their arms still wrap around us though they are deep in their sleep. And we, we are awake in some alarming revelation, that something just isn't right, and somehow stripping our attire and connecting ourselves with them in passion won't make us feel any closer than we do right now.
I think we crash into people because we long for touch. And when we can't feel touch in a soft way, even if we ask for it kindly and it does not come to unto us, we grow desperate of feeling someone to the point that we make contact so abruptly. Give us a hand on the shoulder, blow that eyelash that fell onto our face, put a hand on our lonesome shoulder, brush us aside if we are in the way, if we could please be in the way. So we'll grab a drink and become friendly, and maybe we won't be so conscious of those flaws about ourselves. Those things we find in the mirror that we wish could be tucked away while we are in the view of another person, particularly someone we hope to win over and find some loyalty and affection with. I think we lash out with our tongues because we are longing to be heard. And if we can offend someone, well then, we finally have an ear that will listen, and maybe that will stir up a conversation over coffee and lead to something further, a friendship perhaps, love maybe, by a very long, long shot.
I see ads all time when I'm online. "Find True Love" with a woman stripped of her clothing, holding up a bed sheet to cover those parts that stimulate a man's world like a strip of ecstasy rushing through our bloodstream. They give me a number to call. What the heck am I supposed do with that? Have a phone call with some random person whom I believe is the woman I am staring at that is clawing at the screen and she's telling me she'll fulfill my most sensual fantasies by merely describing what she'll do to me if she had the opportunity? All the while never speaking above a whisper, like Stephen Segal, but way sexier and giggling in a sinister manner that tries to tell me that naughty is nice at times. You can also punch in your specific qualities, what you're seeking and you'll get "accurate" matches of your desires. And if one of them doesn't work, you can always adjust your expectations by a click of a button. It's a cheap way of getting a touch, even if it's with our eyes closed and groping ourselves as the other hand is holding the receiver. But we, we are not there. We are lying in bed with that voice on the phone. We are tied up, soaked in some warm oil, and doing God knows what kinds of nasty. But the point is we would be in company, good or bad, it's company. We, we would not be.. Alone.